What a Question!

Hello everyone!  This is Debbie Griffiths from Broken to Boldness!

The other day, I was being interviewed about my novel on gaslighting and I was asked an interesting question.  The interviewer commented that he doesn’t recall anyone ever telling him that they were in an abusive relationship.  He was questioning whether my book could benefit him.  My immediate response was, “They wouldn’t tell you!”  The truth is if someone is currently being abused, whether it is physically, emotionally, financially, etc., they may not first be totally aware they are being abused, or too scared to tell anyone or, even worse, afraid to leave the relationship. 

Most victims of domestic violence deal with a lot of fear and, even embarrassment, that they even fell victim to such a perpetrator.  Don’t forget, these victims have been traumatized!  I know this all too well and, on occasion, I do experience triggers.

The interviewer pressed on and further stated he has never noticed anyone exhibiting signs of abuse – at least no outwardly signs, like cuts and bruises.  I then asked him if he ever noticed anyone ever apologizing too much for things they really didn’t or shouldn’t apologize for.  How about someone looking at their watch excessively?  Or their significant partner staying close by while you have a conversation? 

After the interview, I thought more about his comment.  I know I am trying to bring awareness on the red flags of abuse but my focus has been on those currently in these situations and preventing others from getting into these situations. I did not fully realize that there are those that have been lucky enough to never experience abuse or know anyone who has.  And, because of this, they might not be aware of what to look for.  So here are some clues you should know if you suspect abuse could be going on in a household of a friend, neighbor, or relative.

1.     How to tell if a co-worker is being abused at home?

a.    Physical signs: Look for bruises, cuts, or other injuries that cannot be easily explained.

b.    Changes in behavior: Notice if a coworker suddenly becomes more withdrawn or anxious than usual.

c.     Absenteeism or tardiness: If a coworker is frequently absent or late for work, it could be a sign that they are experiencing abuse at home.

d.    Financial difficulties: Domestic abuse victims may experience financial control or exploitation, leading to sudden changes in their financial situation.

e.    Unusual phone calls or texts: If a coworker is frequently receiving harassing or threatening phone calls or texts, it could be a sign of abuse.

2.     How to tell if an acquaintance is being abused at home when you are in a social setting?

a.    Physical signs: Look for bruises, cuts, or other injuries that cannot be easily explained.

b.    Changes in behavior: Notice if someone suddenly becomes more withdrawn, anxious, or depressed than usual.

c.     Fear of their partner: If someone seems afraid of their partner or constantly seeks their partner's approval, it could be a sign of abuse.

d.    Attempts to control or isolate: If someone's partner is constantly checking in on them, limiting their communication with others, or trying to keep them away from social events, it could be a sign of abuse.

e.    Negative comments or insults: If someone's partner frequently belittles them or puts them down in social situations, it could be a sign of emotional abuse.

If you notice any of these signs, it's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and care. There could be other issues going on as well where anyone of these signs could also apply.  You can express your concern and offer support, but it's important to respect the victim's privacy and autonomy. Consider reaching out to a trained professional for guidance on how to approach the situation and how to offer support to the victim.  These are very tricky situations to navigate.

For more information on the red flags of gaslighting and domestic abuse, please check out my website at www.brokentoboldness.com where you can purchase autographed copies of “Torched – Burnt By a Gaslighter”.  The novel is also available on Amazon - Amazon Link.  Until next time, Dieu Le Veult!