“Don’t Fall for the Crumbs: How to Spot and Stop Breadcrumbing”
Why mixed signals are emotional manipulation in disguise!
Have you ever met someone, maybe through a friend or a dating app, and wondered if they were really interested in you? Perhaps you start texting each other and meet up a few times for coffee or dinner.
Then you don’t hear anything.
A week or two may go by and, out of nowhere, you receive a text from that person acting like everything is fine.
Those pauses in communication are deafening. Should you reach out and text? Does he/she really like me? Your mind begins to go back and forth with all sorts of thoughts (some good and others not so good)!
You want to give the benefit of the doubt but now find yourself frustrated, hurt and even disillusioned. It’s like the old game of “He/She loves me, and He/She loves me not” as you remove each petal from a beautiful flower. Guess what?
There’s a term for this behavior and it’s called “breadcrumbing”.
What is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is a subtle but harmful behavior in relationships (romantic, platonic, or professional) where someone gives you just enough attention, affection, or validation to keep you interested without ever committing or following through. Imagine someone tossing out "breadcrumbs" such as a flirty text here, a vague promise there, but nothing substantial or consistent. That’s breadcrumbing in action.
How to Spot Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing can be tricky to detect because it often looks like genuine interest—at first. You might notice the person:
Sends sporadic messages just when you're about to move on.
Talks about future plans but never actually makes them.
Is emotionally unavailable but keeps hinting at "potential."
Ghosts you and then reappears with charm and excuses.
The key is inconsistency. Their words and actions don’t align, leaving you confused, second-guessing yourself, and hoping for something more that never quite materializes.
Is Breadcrumbing a Form of Gaslighting?
While breadcrumbing isn't classic gaslighting, it shares some of the same manipulative qualities. Gaslighting involves deliberately distorting your reality to make you doubt yourself. Breadcrumbing creates emotional confusion through inconsistency and false hope. The result? You begin to question your worth, overanalyze interactions, and wonder if you're asking for too much.
It can feel like gaslighting when the breadcrumber denies their intentions or shifts blame by saying, “You’re overreacting,” or “I never said that.” In this way, breadcrumbing can be a gateway to more overt emotional manipulation.
How to Handle Breadcrumbing
Recognize the Pattern: Trust your gut. If you feel like you're always waiting for more, you probably are.
Set Boundaries: Be clear about what you need and deserve. If they can’t meet that, walk away.
Stop Responding to Crumbs: Don’t engage with half-hearted attention. You're worthy of consistency.
Redirect Your Energy: Focus on people and pursuits that fill your cup, not drain it.
Seek Support: Talk to a friend or coach. Sometimes, validation from others can help you see things more clearly.
Remember that breadcrumbing is not a reflection of you! It’s a reflection of the other person’s emotional immaturity. Don’t settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole feast!
Let me know if this has happened to you!
Until next time,
Coach Deborah
Website: www.brokentoboldness.com
Email: deborah@brokentoboldness.com